I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
