HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
