You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
