i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
