I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
