Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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