so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
