Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
