This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
