What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
