I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
