i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
