I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
