you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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