literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
