Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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