I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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