Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
