So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
