If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
