fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
