Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
