i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
