Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
