They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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