Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
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STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
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And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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