i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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