Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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