Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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