So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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