just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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