if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
