Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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