so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
