Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
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I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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