I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
