so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
