Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
