i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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