I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
and you fell through a lawn chair
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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