Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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