Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
