Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
