I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
