Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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