I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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