Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
