i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
