Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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