I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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