Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
