somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
