Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's a Shit stain on my heart
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize