someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
