I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
